Practice makes perfect, or so I am told. For four months I have been practicing changing diapers, waking up 5 times a night, patience, positive thinking about my post-baby body. I think I have these things down to near science. Now I need practice to re-enter society. Not that I have been solely in my home, not seeing friends, family, grocery shopping, but I haven't been my usual out and about self. I need some help. I think that these classes should be available to me and others like me: (none of this makes much sense and I know that it is all possible if I take the time and have the resources, but I'm not and don't, so indulge me)
1. In the four months since I had J, the Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse phenom has taken off with more gusto. I have read the first two, need to read Eclipse - have avoided conversations that have been about it. I really haven't had time or energy to read it so I need to be able to plug myself in or something and have all the literature, emotions that I would have while actually reading the book, and great discussion "wordage" (see, I can't even come up with real words) programmed into my brain. I also need this for Harry Potter. I don't want to read the final book when I am running on near empty. I want to read it and not just read the words but really get it, something I am not capable of doing at this time - I know my limits. So, once again, a program that can help me out here.
2. I want my expansive vocabulary back! Or even half of it back!
3. What is in style? I don't mean high fashion/couture, but mom-sensible, non-dry cleaned, not too wrinkly clothing that looks great, isn't frumpy, makes me look super hot for having three kids. Yes, I am trying to get back into shape, but unfortunately the exercise time is usually the last thing on the list and gets bumped from the day's events repeatedly. I don't have a lot of time to go and try things on or search clothing out - I want a person or even a really cool robot to look at me, assess, grab the right clothes for me and dress me. Oh, and I don't want to pay this person/robot. I am picturing something from the cartoon "The Jetsons", you know, I ask and it appears out of my closet from a mechanized arm. I just want to look presentable with as little effort as possible. Without mascara - that stuff gets all over the place.
4. I want to be able to work out, when I want, doing what I want, without having to put the kids at the gym's play place (which is really clean and great, but still C will catch something) and J is still too young to go. He could go with me to a mommy and me class, but I would end up holding him the whole time so he doesn't cry and then all the effort of getting in workout mode for nothing. Research says that exercise helps with so much, well I want all that it has to offer and someday will have more time.
5. Lessons on how to interact with adults. I love talking about my kids and I love to hear about my friends' kids, but I also want to be able to have adult conversations. It is hard to do, really! At least for me, I am not up on all the current events. I know who is running for president, I know what year it is, I know that there is something going on with mortgage rates but I only really know what is going on the surface - I don't know how to talk about these things intelligently. My mind just can't process that info at this time. Intelligent, I was once but now it is just out of my reach.
6. Social etiquette - is it still no elbows on the table? Can you really not stare? Not even if you are just people watching? Can you pick your child's nose in public?
I know this all just my laziness. I could have all these things (except the robot, I just don't think I can afford it, plus what if it fritzes out and goes crazy?) if I made the time, got enough sleep, found the websites on the internet that pertained to the subjects, but that is just it - I don't have the time, get enough sleep and the web is SO big, who has time after catching up on blogs? So I guess it holds true, there is a time and a place for everything. I just have to have patience, which I have been practicing alot in the last four months.