Thursday, April 23, 2009
Caroline, Joey and I ran out to a farm today. The kids loved every minute of it - the ducks, the babies, the turkey gobble gobble (Joey had the best reaction to this, I'm laughing still), lambies. The kids stayed near me, did as I said, and didn't whine too much when I said it was time to hit Target.
It is so nice to be able to grab a jacket, one diaper (just in case), and set out for whatever. No diaper bags, no baby bottles or nursing aprons. Do you know what there was more of at the farm than feathers and fur? Pregnant women. I live it Utah, bellies of babies are abundant.
Dave and I have dreams of baby running through our heads. We know that we are lucky to have three but both of us have this lingering, no nagging, voice whispering "more to come, more to come". I mean, who knows? Who knows if we can get pregnant when we choose? Who knows if it is the right time now or if the voice means three years from now.
I see these bellies with sweet feet swimming in them and I long. And then I look at my ducklings, following me in a row without much prompting (obviously an ideal day for obedience). I look down at my bag, light-weight. I get two kids in the car without much ado. I sleep pretty ok through each night. All these things and I look down at my body and wonder if it can take stretching to accommodate those 70+ pounds, the weight on my bones and back. The brain power that gets sucked out of me with each feeding. I have said this before and I will say it again - the haze of the last two years is still lingering but I can see the air that is breathable. Do I really want to go through all that again? One more time? I don't know. I hope that if Dave and I decide to bring another infant to this home, we can do it well. But some days I just want to have the decision clear cut and be content with these 3 or get on with it already.
Or maybe we should just go back and get this snake. Caroline insists it would make a great pet.