Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My back has been out since last week. I've tried to deny it, even wore heels to church on Sunday and I think that is what did me in. I have a bad back, so this is no surprise feeling, but I do whatever I can (not really, I could exercise more) to squelch it when the ache comes on. But Sunday night I took the meds and tried to stay in bed all Monday, with Dave's help. Tuesday was still a bad day, but Dave have meetings so he couldn't be at home. Today still sucks, but I found out my in-laws are coming to stay with us tomorrow so... 6 loads of laundry and lots of clean up (not too much, I did some major cleaning on Saturday, trying to defy the oncoming horrid back). So, with tingly numbness down my left leg, shooting pains down my right and soreness in my lower back, I am taking a break.

I was just reading someone's blog, I knew her years ago and somehow found her blog through the blogosphere. I run into her maybe every 3 years, but I really don't know her at all. But her blog is fascinating. I didn't know she was so artistic. Or wordy. She says she isn't but she is quite good at expressing herself. My blog feels so empty lately. Nothing crafty/artistic going on. Nothing deep and inspiring going on. So my goal for the next week is to find something inspiring and actually work with my hands, and not in the wash dishes, braiding hair, picking up toys way. Let's see how it goes.

Another thing about being down and slightly medicated is coming out of the cocoon and seeing how life goes without me. I found that everyone, except Joey (but he is fine if he doesn't see me) is great. Caroline is getting chocolate, watching Max and Ruby, Eli is playing the Wii, Dave can watch any Texas game without my scowl (I like sports, I used to like to watch them and could keep up on what teams were doing what, but not at this time, I would rather watch LOST). Life goes on with out me. I knew this, and I know that Dave is more than capable to take care of children and house. It does make me feel better to know that he still needed to be reminded to start reading, check a diaper, actually feed Joey some solid food (seriously, if the boobs weren't attached to me, I think Dave might forget to feed Joey at all).

And today I started thinking, as I have before, that I am the task master, the slave driver. Eli, please go write your lines, let's read your book. Get clothes ready for school tomorrow, get your pj's on, pick up your room, PLEASE EAT ALL YOUR MEAT! Caroline, stop bugging the cat, clean up the playdo, please turn off the tv, no really, turn off the tv. Caroline, no more tv! Dave, please help me carry up the laundry because my back hurts because you think wrestling is fun, Dave, can you pick up Joey, because you think wrestling is fun, Dave, your parents are staying with us tomorrow? If I were gone for some time, this house would be happy and nag free.

And then this happened, for the last 20 minutes I have been upstairs, lying in bed with Caroline, a girl who normally tells us to get out because she needs to sleep. Dave called down the stairs and told me Caroline is crying and needs me. Really? I go up to a sobbing girl, "Mama, I, I, I, just nee, nee, need you!" I get to be next to her, because she asked my to hold her, so I just pat her back, lying next to her, for 20 minutes. And I didn't care that I still had laundry to do, my hair to dry, time to waste on the computer, a bathroom to tidy.

So my goals this week -
1. be creative again, this doesn't include editing my mom's punchneedle patterns ( I will show them soon),
2. realize that this house would be nag free without me, but who would all the babies ask for if I weren't here?
3. have a positive attitude each day,
4. be more selfless, and not begrudgingly
5. talk less, listen more
6. be grateful my husband wants to wrestle with me, even if it means I may hobble for a week or so.


Paige said...

I would do anything to cuddle with Caroline for 20 minutes. How cute that she needs you. I need her and a snow cone right now.

Through the Looking Glass said...

Man, perspective's a bitch, yes? I have this flashes of what I'm doing wrong, could do better, could do less/more of all the time, and though they are painful as you're going through them, the other side of them, for me and apparently you too, is the understanding that it's the process of trying to be better that counts. You have so many talents - ones I learn about all the time and I've known you for 20 something years! Introspection is also one of the many, and I think that's great.

April said...

I think your blog is great-its always very creative! I've been secretly reading for the past few months (yeah-I guess I'm the stocker kind) and thought it was time to say hi. Your family is just adorable. Keep up the good work!
Joel's little sister.

Josie said...

Whit, you are so dang insightful. I loved reading this journaly post. I love that you can still appreciate that Dave wanted to wrestle with you. I'm so sorry about your back! Your sweet moment with Caroline made me teary.