Blog Blah

I have a friend threatening bodily harm if I don't blog.  But here is the problem, I think of a million things to blog about a day but for some reason can't translate it or don't want to.  Part of me feels a bit self-indulgent.  Part of me is looking, unsuccessfully, for the brain power that has been misplaced.  I have a million half finished projects.  Rooms that are half clean.  Time with children that is half spent.

Caroline said to Eli today, when he came home and set up a playdate, "But E, you hardly ever spend time with us!" and just so she could spend more time with him she asked if she could also go to the friend's house where he was going and she would even do her best to be nice to her friend (E's friend's little sister who Caroline is having a difficult time getting along with lately).  So both of them are over there, with the mom laughing that each girl is going to "try" to be nice to each other.  It will not be a long playdate because Joey is cuddled up next to me on the couch sad because C and E are gone and he needs them.  See half spent.  I am multitasking.  I should be cleaning.  I should actually be reading to him.  Or playing with him.  Instead I am sitting with him while he asks to watch Umi Zumi and lean on me and the baby in my tummy, as he says.  He is decompressing and so am I.

Things are a changin'.  Caroline and I went to her Kindergarten Orientation this week.  I cried while the current kindergarten sang to us.  She's been ready for years.  But now she is really leaving me.  It won't be much different from her preschool schedule but she is one year closer to full day school and more time away from home than in it.  I've wasted it.  Just like I wasted it with E.  Just like I am sitting on the couch, half cuddling with Joe, wasting my time I have with him.  I know, too hard on myself.  This is life.  Caroline is 97.3% the greatest person to spend time with.  She is silly and creative.  And she still wears only skirts and dresses.  I need to start sewing.

E had SEPs this week.  I love it.  Mostly because I get to hear he is doing well.  He is nice and kind-hearted and smart.  He listens most of the time.  He helps those around him and she appreciates him being a leader.  He needs to concentrate more on his reading comprehension - it isn't a race to get the test in.  Math was a little tougher this trimester but he caught on and is back on track.  His teacher really cares about him and his class and he listens to her and respects her.  I always worried about sending E to school when we did.  He is a young kid for his grade and a little bit on the not so tall side.  He is a sensitive kid.  Sometimes too emotional, which challenges my emotions.  But she has seen a big growth in his maturity this year. 

And Joey is almost three.  It will soon be his "Irpday".  He is loud and adamant about what he wants and when he wants it.  He is becoming used to timeouts spent in his room for being too loud and adamant.  "Joe, stop yelling at me" is something he is hearing lately.  If I stick out my bottom lip at him he immediately softens and hugs or kindly headbutts me in the pregnant belly.  And if I pucker my lips he stops what he is doing and gives me kisses.  I have my Pavlovian dog. He also has the best laugh in the Northern Hemisphere.

I will try to be better about posting.  It is my journal.  Probably the most consistent I have ever had in my life.  Plus my kids are pretty remarkable and awesome so I should document it.  And it felt good to put a few thoughts on "paper".  Thanks for the threat Paige, just the kick in the pants I needed.

Reaction

Dave has forbidden me from posting the video we have of the kids' reaction to the sex of our coming attraction. Let's just say, I knew that no matter what Caroline said earlier today ("Ok mom, let's talk about this - it could be either a boy or a girl. Maybe we will even get a kitten") and her talking with my friend saying if it was a girl....(good happy things) and if it was a boy...(something sort of happy). All that went out the window for a solid 45 minutes while she cursed who ever is in charge of handing out babies. I am not exaggerating. And with that, I am please to announce that we will be adding a little boy to the family in May. Sorry, no visuals, Dave's wish.

Hope you all had a great holiday and everyone is right on track with their resolutions. Mine is to have a healthy family this year.

My wish list

There is this amazing giveaway going on over here and it makes my heart pitter pat. 

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

- What 5 items are on your holiday wishlist this year?
 1.  a cool watch
 2.  some great maternity jeans and perfect sweater
 3.  The Magic Bullet - it makes everything!  And makes it look sooo simple.
 4.  Season 2 - 7 of the Gilmore Girls. Or just a couple here and there.
 5.  A personal chef.

- What is your favorite handmade gift you have received?
 I don't know how to narrow it down!  Too many talented people around me.  Gotta think about it.

- What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?
 I want to knit a complex sweater or scarf.

- What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?
 Everyone knows I have the worst memory but it may have been the Beatrix Potter paper playhouse.  Or my   first stereo.

- What is on your kid's wishlist this year?
  Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics for Wii, Caroline wants something awesome (that is all she has said)

- What is your favorite holiday food?
  Peppermint Ice Cream or homemade caramel

-  What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
  I can't say, they are gifts!

-  What is your favorite holiday movie?
  A Christmas Story, Charlie Brown Christmas

- Favorite holiday song?
  What Child is This?

- Favorite holiday past time?
  Just soaking it all in or drinking warm cider

From their site:

"Our “sleigh” is a Madsen Bike filled with gifts and goodies from Provo Craft to help you create those handmade projects including a Yudu screen-printing machine, a Cuttlebug, a Cricut Expression Machine, a Your Story thermal book binder, and a Knifty Knitter loom set. That’s not all - we’ve got treasures galore - a Dyson Blueprint, an Easy Walker Sky stroller from MamaBargains.com, two Sidekick baby carrier bags from Kemby and an Amber Alert GPS unit and a full year of service."

That’s over $3,800 in gifts!
I need a kick in the pants where creativity is concerned and this may be just the ticket.  Plus I need something to peddle me back into shape after this baby, so the bike would be beyond wonderful!  I'm crossing my fingers, all the time, everyday!  I should probably tell you you can enter too.  Go here.

Caroline's Talent Show

Everyone had to share a talent at preschool. One boy dribbled a ball, another sang, one girl played the piano for the first time, artists, lego builders and Caroline. I barely had enough time to start my camera, she was up and going before I knew it. Some girls from Eli's 2nd grade class were there and asked Caroline how she did that - quite the star. Sorry for the shaky camera work, my friend was laughing so hard I could not keep still.

Brought to you by the letter B

B is for baby. The baby that is currently cookin' in me right now. The baby that will be chillin' with its brothers and sister hopefully by the third week of May.

letter b found here

Halloween

I made the mistake of taking Caroline with me to JoAnn's while getting tulle and such for her costume that I was making from my own little head. She never imagined all the things like patterns that she could choose from. So $40 later and a pattern I never wanted to do, we left. I knew I couldn't manage the pattern so luckily my mom graciously accepted the challenge. I did do the hat - a small contribution.

Eli's was fun. Last year we went store bought so I had had a year off. A few years ago he was Sonic the Hedgehog, which was fun to make. This time he chose a bunch of different Pokemon characters that I couldn't even hope to eek out but then he settled of Silver, Sonic's friend.

After 3 cans of silver spray paint for the clothing and hair, lots of felt to concoct the gloves and boots, and some messy fur, we had a great costume. Eli was so excited to wear it he couldn't sleep the night before his school parade. It was fun to have him that excited.
It really was fun to make. I love Caroline's hat. Her whole costume was a hit with all ages. Thanks Mom.


Joey was a bat. Yes, the same bat as last year. He refused to be the lion costume we had. That is just fine. He was a great trick or treater. So fun to watch and I laughed when he would accept 2 treats when offered. Like he needs more candy. He was especially pleased when they had hisfavorite - M & M's. Why do I forget that carving pumpkins consists of me gutting and cleaning pumpkins, having the kids draw their pics, then me carving the pics, then me lighting and placing? Joey's was Rolie Polie Olie - our favorite round friend. Caroline's was a nice witch, Eli's was a scary Jack-O-Lantern. I carved Dave a longhorn. But my favorite is the toasted seeds.

Joey Flips Out

Joey is our little voice in the family and by little I mean he is actually our loudest voice. And he has turned into quite the tease. He knows when Caroline doesn't want him touching her and so he does his best to have at least part of him touching her at all times when she is in this mood. And he is persistent. Like a little puppy who wants to be pet. It is somewhat endearing and sometimes a bit... not.

This is what I found when I heard laughing coming from the living room. He threw up about on hour later - but not from the flips, from a bug that is circling our home lately.

Today at church Eli had already eaten the fruit snacks, the pretzels (or prencils as Caroline calls them), and some goldfish. He was insisting that he was starving. Has anyone else seen a snack bar at church? Should there be one that is supported by tithes? In any case, I told him to go and get a big drink of water. He insisted that he wasn't thirsty, but starving! I told him his only option was a drink of hunger-quenching water. He kept whining. I told him that I was going to march him out and call Dave to come and get him, he would go home and right to his room - this was after much complaining.

"What?! You are going to send me home and to my room and never let me eat again? You want me to DIE?!

No, E, I just want you to stop complaining and whining, realize that I can't do anything but what I am suggesting and sit quietly.

"What?! You really want me to DIE?!!

So now everyone who sits near us in church thinks I want Eli to die or that I said something to Eli to make him think that I was trying to kill him.

My friend asked me later what I had done to make Eli so mad when he stomped out of Sacrament Meeting (she had seen him stomp out). I am only guilty of wanting him to live! I had finally convinced him it was in his best interest to drink up.

-----

Tonight, playing this new fantastic game called Pickleball, (thanks for the new addiction that we can't play immediately Shorts) Eli was great at it but not sharing the court time with any of us adults. I tried to explain to him the rules, going to a certain point, sharing the court - yada yada yada - "What?! You don't want me to play with you ANYMORE?! You don't want ME anymore?!

When we got home, Dave spent some time talking to him about his behavior. He was sent straight to bed but asked if he could write something down first. This is what we found, taped to the sheet next to him in bed:


Did I tell you about the time in Target when I let him open a pack of Pokemon cards before we paid for them? After they were opened he came across some Mario Galaxy Cards. He decided that he wanted those instead. I told him that we had already claimed the opened cards and had to buy them and because of that we would not be getting the Mario cards. While hanging his head in deep sorrow he said, "I make the worst choices, I am such a bad decision maker!"
After we had checked out and were at the car he said, "You all get in first, I don't deserve to get in before any of you. I make such bad choices. I deserve to be last."

Let me defend us. We don't say things like this to him. We try to never generalize with Eli. We do say things like, " You are right, you were too impatient and didn't make a very good choice in this instance." or "Yeah, you are being naughty RIGHT NOW but you aren't naughty all the time. In fact, you are pretty awesome most of the time." Where he gets all this negative talk and crap I do not know.

Someone, please help. I really don't know what do with this sweet boy who has a great disposition all the time, but apparently rarely when I am around.

Here we go again!

Here we go again. Eli has his first day of 2nd grade. 2nd grade!!! What happened to kindergarten? E was excited for school to start. A class of 27 (way too big!), 17 are boys! There were many joyous reunions that morning. Friends he saw only 2 days previous greeting each other like it had been 2 years. I don't know how bones did not get broken.














We are still trying to find our groove, but my expectations for that are not high. I don't think that we ever found our groove last year - when to do homework, when to veg, when to play and when to eat.















It is weird not to have him around all day. We all miss him. Not that he is ever around long - he is a social butterfly.

So far so good. He likes his teacher, likes what he is learning and loves to be with all his pals.

How can you not love this 2nd grader face?














Caroline began a new dance program. She calls it her "temporary" dance. Contemporary. She asked how she was supposed to keep up her ballet and tap skills if she would be going to dance with bare feet from now on. I don't know. I mean, what if SYTYCD 2022 doesn't think she has good enough technique? But she loved it her new dance.


She is also beginning soccer. She is so excited and has practiced every day. It is her fallback to SYTYCD, I guess she can always try out for the USA Women's Soccer team.







We bought some soccer cleats with pink in them but there were too big. I asked her to try on Eli's old shoes and she said, "That is a good idea and if they fit we won't have to buy new shoes!" What? This coming from a kid who threw a HUGE fit in Target that day over something ridiculous that I would not buy.

















She was showing me her jumping skills. Who knew that cleats helped you jump? Joey came out in E's cleats and had to get in the jump action. He actually has an impressive vertical for a tiny sport.

















Many of you know about Caroline's lack of pants and short wearing. She hasn't worn them in 2 1/2 years - excluding leggings that go under dresses. Thus the skirt at soccer practice. I asked her if we needed to go shopping for a black skirt or if she would wear soccer shorts. She said she would only wear Eli's old soccer shorts and only for soccer practice and games. She also asked that I don't ask her to wear shorts or pants any other time.


btw - I have new plaques that are about to go up in my shop. If you want to take a look, go to we chirp.

He would have laughed at blogs

Lindsey and I were talking the other day and she started laughing at the thought of what Joe would think of blogs. We both agreed he would kindly mock them. I've been meaning to call her all day so that we could laugh and inevitably end up crying over the anniversary that is today. What do you do with a day like today? I'm ok. I know what comes next and what I have to do to be there. He's with us every day.

He is in little things my kids do. He is in their simple kindnesses to each other. We say his name, which has become my son's, many times a day and it is like a million little sparkles in the air. Sometimes my kids do things and I think, Joe taught you that in Heaven, he knew it would bug me so he did it to tease me. Or he knew something would make me happy, so he taught them that too. I love that, because then I think of him. He knows I need to lighten up. I want my kids to be like him in a million different ways. I love that E loves snowboarding and seems to be a natural at it. Now, if only someone could teach him, Caroline and Joey how to skateboard... Caroline might be the best at that. Dave and he would have been good friends.

I miss him. He was happy and kind. He was happy and thoughtful. He was happy and fun. The kid was the best. Is the best. He was a great example to all of us of how to treat others. He wasn't perfect but he was good.


We went up to his grave today. I have never thought he was there. I used to pour Dr. Pepper on it, just for him. My kids know about him, but what do they really know? It is such an abstract thing to young kids. But they know that they love him and they know he loves them. Is it morbid to show his headstone? I think it is beautiful.

He had a lot of favorites. He liked music. Did you know that he loved Michael Jackson? Loved him when he was little. He loved chocolate rice crispy treats and made them better than anyone, even Grandma. He loved his family, all of us. He would love playing with his nieces and nephews. He loved his friends and spent time doing who knows what with them. I remember he would skate up on the U campus a lot with them. He would love where they are now. He had many friends but then there are those really close ones that I am grateful for. They are a part of my family, you know who you are. He was always having fun. He had the goofiest grin. He was working on his six pack, slow to lose his baby chub. He loved his accidental sideburns. I think he thought he was related to St. Nick. He loved his cousins. Especially Ben and Bry. He'd be proud of them. He loved skateboarding and snowboarding. He loved "Bo Knows Bo" so much he read it every year for 7 and wrote a report on it each year, lazy bum - I don't think he loved reading. He loved back-to-school clothes shopping. He loved Mexican Pizzas. He loved his Saab. He loved that his eyes changed colors with whatever color he had on. He loved O-town. He always had something cooking, some big plan. Or little plan. Or mischievous idea. He had friends every where we went because he was good to everyone.

I love when people tell me stories about him. I knew a lot of his comings and goings and his adventures but not everything and don't remember everything. Did I ever tell you that he thought his name was spelled G.I. Joe when he was little? Or that he made a collar of cardboard and named himself Spike, telling us this was his new name? Or that he had my mom make him and his friends fleece hats that he designed that were all spiky and shapey for snowboarding? I think there are pieces of him everywhere, for everyone.

Love you Joe.